Hi everyone,
I’m so very grateful for this forum and all your advice. My thoughts are scattered this morning. So, bear with me. Through the midst of all this, my mom was put in the hospital last night for a heart attack scare. She is OK right now and they are running tests to see what caused the scare. She is my rock and this and the boyfriend stuff had made me an emotional wreck.
You’re all right, his actions do not show he is ready to be fully committed to this relationship. Now I just have to figure out how strong I am in this. I had a very open conversation with him yesterday while I was driving to see my mom. He said he felt terrible about making me feel that way (the text). But, he said that he wants to be able to live his life free to go to things he enjoys. Referring to the football game he was invited to, all-expense paid, out of state game. I explained to him how it made me feel and how I felt blown off and unimportant. He listed dates we could be together instead and told me if he stayed to be with me he would be mad at me for making him miss this opportunity. So, here we are -gridlocked. He is/will be resentful to me for making him miss this trip, I am/will be resentful to him for not making me a priority above this trip. Either way this trip pulls the thread. I’m deeply saddened by this. Finding someone you enjoy and fall in love with is not an easy task. It doesn’t come every day.
Anita- It’s as if you’ve been reading my mind. You are correct. This morning my thoughts were consumed that I’ve been too easily forgiving and quick to shoulder blame. It’s how I cope in relationships. I know it isn’t the right thing to do but, it’s a long-formed habit. I am constantly second guessing my feelings or criticizing myself for having them. It feels so strange to admit it and to put it in writing. More input on this is welcome.
Jean
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 