Thanks for your reply, Anita.

1. By him getting me a 100% I meant that I felt that he could see through me. That I can be at my most vulnerable and feel safe being so around him. I could never fake anything around him, my rich inner life visible to him. He knew when something wasn’t right or he’d know when I was genuinely happy. He also knew how to make me feel better if I was down. I am pretty sure he felt the same about me, but that is of course up to him to say. I have not felt that way with any human before – no friends, no family.

2. I feel like this dynamic came from mental health struggles and not having had the kind of support before. To one level it has helped me heal to show my anxiety to him, but for a while now, I feel like it is my ego “thirsting” for more affection and so making more stress out of everything in order to make him comfort me. Also, if we disagreed, I’d make everything worse in my head, creating more anxiety with my thoughts. Now that I can see this more clearly, I know that I can work on myself to let such feelings go before they accumulate like that. And I have already grown in that way, but noticed how I’d easily go back o my “old” self when we were together.