Dear Fruzsina:

You wrote: “I do notice that when I go about my own things and maybe spend less time thinking about or talking to my boyfriend, he seems to come out of his shell more and misses me more during those times”

When I read the sentence I just quoted, I thought to myself: he comes out of his shell because he doesn’t feel the pressure, that is, when you stop pressuring him, he relaxes and comes out of his shell, missing you. Then I read your next sentence, your interpretation: “It’s weird, the whole ‘chase him and he’ll run away, ignore him and he’ll come running back’ is very true indeed, but I don’t want to be playing games with my boyfriend forever.”

I don’t think he is playing games or that games are required. I think this is the matter: when you talk to him too much, when you pressure him to open up, and all that, this is pressure put upon him, and as a result he … does the exact thing you don’t want him to do, he closes off, withdraws, focuses elsewhere, ignores you.

Reads to me that he does love you and that he understandably withdraws from you because you put unreasonable pressure on him. In other words, you are causing him distress which harms him. His withdrawal in turn, hurts you.

You wrote: “I am a complicated person and I know that”- can you elaborate on that?

anita