@Henry

Thank you for your reply; for some reason I wasn’t alerted there had been another, so only now am I seeing this!

I have to say, I agree with what you mentioned that he can’t use depression and anxiety as an excuse to hurt others and then, as you said, “pawn it off” as some sort of favor. That is very much part of what enraged me, because I had hoped even with these issues I would be worth the effort, especially since he’d claimed I helped him with it by being so understanding. In a way he’s just letting himself believe he will cause others to be pushed away, and so he cuts ties, regardless as to whether the other person would actually leave- instead of wanting to get help in the first place.

I still have empathy towards him, because I have had depression and know how messed up it can make you think and feel. However, having recovered from depression, I also understand that I had no right to use it as some trump card against others through any means. I can’t use it for emotional manipulation just because I feel bad.

I can’t completely forgive him for the way he ended things between us, but I can forgive him for being a broken person, and I will have to in order to move forward. I have deleted his number and removed him as a friend, because even though he said he wanted to be friends, I just don’t trust him anymore. And I don’t plan on him coming around trying to apologize, either.

~

I have successfully distanced myself from him, and even though we share several classes at school, his presence is beginning to not bother me at all. The other day he even moved to the other side of the room- whether this was because of me, I can’t be certain, though my friend noticed as well. I can look at him and hear his voice without cowering away because I understand that what has been done to me is wrong, and I have no reason to be ashamed or be made smaller because of his immature actions.

One good thing that has come out of this is that I have received support from numerous people, even those I don’t yet know too well at college. They heard about what happened and went on the defensive for me, telling me a lot of supportive things.

Even if it sounds strange to “spend time with others and call it a day,” honestly, that is sometimes the best feeling. To have people around you, that you know you can talk to, and then go home for an evening of peace at the end of each day.

Either way my frustration with this situation is still coming in brief waves, usually in the evening when I don’t think as clearly. But I am no longer waking up sick, and if anything it has given me a kick start to loving myself more and building up my courage and self-respect.