Dear DP:

My questions, my inquiry is not about pointing to your mother as a culprit, a bad person. It is about figuring out why you are “Unable to shake off past” (title of your thread). It is not about whether your mother tried to protect you from her relationship trouble. It is about her obvious failure to do so. Not that success could have been possible, but failure it was because you did see her suffer and I believe seeing your mother suffering is a very difficult experience for a child.

You wrote in one paragraph the following: ” I saw my mother suffering and… I grew paranoid of being cheated on and abandoned”-

Did you feel great empathy for your mother, empathy for her being “cheated and abandoned”- do you remember how it felt, what your thoughts were at the time, perhaps angry at your father?

anita