X,

Okay here goes….. For a long time I felt this same way. I had my last serious girlfriend who wasn’t my current wife when I was about 26, then I went about 9 years before me and my wife got re-united where I stayed single for the most part. I just couldn’t find someone who was available who I felt like having a serious relationship with.

I want to think that I am whole and complete on my own, but so far I don’t have the proof of it in the form of a healthy relationship with a man.

Why do you think that having a healthy relationship with a man as being proof that you are whole and complete on your own. There may in fact be a shortage of free whole and complete men, but I would counter that even thought that is what you are looking for maybe it is the wrong way to go about it. I know how much stress I put myself under during that time frame, I got stuck, constantly seeing all of my college friends getting married and having kids. I felt like I would be uncle Matty forever to all of my friends children. Single uncle Matty who always comes around and shows them a good time. I got to a point where I just accepted the fact that I was going to let go of trying so hard to find someone, and I spent a year travelling across the country on little vacations visiting all of my friends and spending time with their new families. I  would listen to all of them tell me to enjoy the time not having a family, they would say that once the family came everything would change. And I did just that, I started enjoying myself. I went out on dates with women who didn’t initially meet all of my criteria, and I did it just to have a good time. I changed my perspective on what I thought a date should be, I went out on dates just for the date, that one date, whether it was coffee on a Sunday morning, Kayaking Saturday afternoon, or dinner/drinks and dancing. Some of the dates were out right fun, some were absolutely horrible, and some were just good conversation. Very few of them ended with anything physical ever coming out of it. But I really enjoyed that period, and then it happened, I had a work trip where I had to spend a long weekend in Charlotte, and one week before the trip, my wife came up as a “people you may know” on facebook and it said she lived in Charlotte. And the rest is history.

I would challenge you to go out on dates, make a goal of going out on a couple of dates with men who you would never see yourself in a serious relationships with. Be smart about it, but find people who you could enjoy for one reason or another and go out. Some will be good, and some will be bad, but it will show you that you can have fun and not put so much pressure on yourself. I got stuck saying that it was a waster of time to go out on a date with someone who I knew wasn’t going to work out, but I was missing the point that whole time. There are people that will provide you with some insight, and there will be people where it is just fun. But hopefully it will just show you to live life and allow it to happen while trying to be the best you.

I am not sure this will help, but it is some insight, I will elaborate and that dating time if you need me to but I think the point is to just live life and stop limiting yourself because situations aren’t perfect. Have a great evening

Matt