Dear Lester:

This must be the woman you referred to as Bre in your May thread, and tomorrow, Oct 20 would be exactly five months to the day, if I have it correct, that you officially became boyfriend and girlfriend.

You expressed before your distress over perceiving yourself not physically attractive. That belief that you are unattractive, undesirable to women preceded meeting your girlfriend and it has caused you a lot of pain before you met her. It keeps causing you pain still.

It is your belief in your lack of attractiveness that is causing you pain, not your girlfriend’s sexual past. If she did not have a sexual past, you would still be hurting from that belief you have.

The relationship you described, the one you have with her, other than your pain over your pre-relationship belief, is a healthy one and a very special one, one without arguments. And honest. The very fact that you have a non-argumentative relationship indicates to me that you are special and that she is special.

You are focused on her sexual past as if there is more in it than there is. She called a boyfriend before you “cutie”- it is only a word. She also brushed her teeth and combed her hair when she was in previous relationships.

In your previous thread you expressed your experience of having been rejected by women before, which I figure encouraged your belief in your physical unattractiveness. And you expressed a motivation to end contact with a girl so to avoid her rejection. I hope you don’t do this here, that you don’t push her out of your life to avoid a feared rejection.

Reality is she is physically attracted to you. A woman can be attractive to a man of your height and your physique. It is possible, happens all the time. I hope you post again.

anita