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There is that one day during the Thanksgiving week, where I just hit the lowest.

The lowest I have ever been for 19 years, even more lower than my June/July period.

I felt very lost and worthless, like I do not matter in this world at all.

I had a chronic insomnia and I always cry while sleeping. I would take a walk at 3-4am in the morning just to make my body to feel tired. I have an anxiety attack that is quite severe when I heard loud noises.

I was faced with a big decision to stay or to move to Singapore while battling a depression and a tough break up, being in Korea alone without any family or any reliable friends. Facing difficulties like languages and studying here in KU.

The only person that I can talk to on the daily basis was you.

Until I decided to reach out to my parents and my friends.

I was never alone.

I was just somehow too occupied with my own concerns, my dreams, and my pain that I was not able to see the fact that they care and will listen. I just need to give them a chance.

I realise that people cannot go give them your hands to help you If you never let them know about your suffering or problem.

It is like I was stuck in this elevator and I was not willing to tell anyone, even though I want to get out,

A lot of times in life, there are moments where you cannot get out if by yourself and you need others help and support.

I realise that all I need was to call someone to get me out. Anyone.

I did that and got out of the elevator.

Now I want to get out of the building after being stuck in that elevator for 4 months.

But I am too afraid, because I spent such a long time in that dark and empty elevator alone. I am afraid that the outside is going to be more scarier than being stuck at that elevator and that I feel like I spent too much time alone in that elevator that I can adjust to life and people outside the elevator.

I want to STOP isolating myself from others and from the society, but as I have mentioned above, I find it really challenging.

-Monica