Dear Monica:

You wrote: “I feel like I should have do it for myself and only for me, not for him… I know that what I am doing right now is not exactly right and fair to myself”- it seems to me like the right thing to do simply because it works for your benefit and it is not harmful to anyone else. I think that there is nothing wrong with this thinking for anyone. Over time, one day, it will be nice when you see yourself as an individual entity first, and someone’s daughter, someone’s student, someone’s girlfriend etc. second, way second. Many people never get to that state of mind. You are still… not twenty yet.

Regarding your most recent post: you are welcome. Like I wrote, it is not wrong to engage in the self talk you described. As to the why- why be patient with you- because when a person is pressured, negatively judged, they close in, retreat or fight. When a person is allowed to be, what a breath of fresh air that is. It is then that a person opens up, willing to explore new possibilities. A new possibility such as seeing yourself as an individual entity first, that takes time and openness. It cannot be rushed.

anita