Nextsteps and Sha, thank you for the support.

We met last night, and she told me that she can’t back out now, and that she likes the guy. It was an arranged marriage sort of situation, so usually there isn’t enough time to fully get to know each other. But that also means that the family plays a larger role in the decision making. She can’t back out now, even though she knows in the hearts of her heart that she should. She texted me this morning saying that she misses me alot, and that she wants to meet me again today. I strongly believe that if the families weren’t involved, she would come back to me, but unfortunately, that us not the case.

Additionally, I have been up and down the sadness roller-coaster. When I purposefully block out all her memories, I get better, but then once any little thing that reminds me of her creeps into my head, I go into a spiral. I am not sure what the best route to take is at this moment. I have had suicidal thoughts, but I know I won’t carry them through, because I cannot make my family suffer because I couldn’t get my head together in time. But at the same time, I do not know which path to choose for the quickest recovery. Should I just cut her from my life entirely? Should I try to keep the friendship as it was before?