Thank you both for taking the time to reply … i’m very grateful.

I’ve never really spoke about all of this before, but touched on the porn addiction to my therapist and a couple of friends.

I think in order to deal with these, I need to just keep whats important to me at the forefront of my mind. i’m 34,not a child anymore … and that its ok to sit with the pain. I don’t have to hide anymore. More importantly, I need to forgive and let go of the past … and just enjoy each day.

Before the start of my ‘spiritual awakening’ this year, I lived my life in a state where I would have been quite happy to watch the World burn down around me. Just a cycle of anger, hatred and blame … I was never good enough. I would walk around most days on the verge of tears. Those habits were the only thing that helped to ease the pain.

I still have days where I will watch Porn, but then I say to myself is this what I want and I say no and stop, i’ve relapsed twice going to see Escorts since I broke up with my ex … Which is a significant improvement from where I was, it got out of control. Anytime I felt lonely or sad … I felt like I needed that company. Now I have the strength to tell myself no … you’ve come to far.

A very good friend of mine at work said something wonderful to me … I was talking about past events, as recently my Grandmother was unwell, and she is the last person who I hold closely to me as she raised me … I talked about being alone. My friend said, Michael … you’re not alone. It was such a powerful moment for me. I’ve felt alone for so long, and i’m not.

I need to love who I am, and be more present. I’m going to write those stages of forgiveness down in my journal. I like to keep pow wow statements in there to help me on bad days.

I need to forgive. I think thats a good thing as it shows i’m a good person.