Dear Gagan:

First thing to be done is to calm down, to rest. I think you are overwhelmed, that is, you are alarmed by the emotions you are experiencing, believing you cannot endure such strong emotions.

I strongly believe, from personal experience and witnessing others’ experiences, that you can endure these feelings, these emotions. You can experience these emotions and not fall apart.

Please say this to yourself and repeat: I can endure these emotions. I can endure the pain and keep going.

It is the panicking element in this that is affecting your work performance, cutting down on your ability to remain asleep and so forth. It is not the emotions themselves. It is the fear that you will not survive these emotions.

But you will survive them as you already have survived. You are strong enough.

The good news is that you can survive these emotions, this pain, will less of a price to pay. If you stop the panic, if you calm down.

To do so, do cut contact with her completely for the foreseeable future so to not ignite and reignite the pain and panic. This is very important for you to do so.

Employ effective calming techniques. Perhaps guided meditations, a calming yoga class, a tai chi class… a brisk daily walk, an exercise routine. Try this or that, see what works. Quality psychotherapy is also an option.

And do post again, anytime you would like.

anita