Hi Lilac, I am so very sorry you are having such an awful time.

I had to respond to you because so much of what you said could have been me as well.  I am 51 years old and your story could be mine, your child could be my child, your positivity could be mine.

However, I too went through a bad patch recently – probably in retrospect nearly two years of bad times, but this year in particular has been brutal, possibly the worst of my life.

It got so very, very bad that I ended up seeing a psychologist.  I have seen psychologists before and some are very good and some are very bad and some are just meh.  I was lucky enough to find a very good one.  I have only seen her five times and it has helped me very much – she has given me great reading material, things to work on in between seeing her and been so supportive and I feel totally safe with her.

I would suggest that you try and see a psychologist too.  Shop around until you find one that you feel comfortable with.  I would have described myself as not being very resilient either.  The turn around in my thinking has been amazing.  Still not perfect, but so much better than it was.

I had weekends where I didn’t bother showering or getting out of bed, I cried at the drop of a hat, anti-depressants didn’t help and I felt so alone.  I still have bad days, but I’m so much better.  Oh – and my house was a total tip.  I have tidied up so many rooms and it feels so good.  I literally could not get started on my bedroom, it overwhelmed me so much and then one day I tidied it up (not perfect, but certainly enough that I didn’t mind people seeing it) in only five hours.

Please take this step if you feel you aren’t getting anywhere.  Life can be so very hard to negotiate sometimes and I found it less painful to talk to a stranger than to carry on how I was.

Much love x