Dear Lilac11:

“Chronic health issues and constant pain” is very difficult to live with. Would you like to share a bit about what those issues are?

Following are quotes from your share and my comments.

“Like most everyone else, I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional family”- I agree and impressed to read another person expressing that indeed, it seems like most families are dysfunctional.

“Since childhood, I’ve been an incredibly positive and optimistic person. No matter what/who hurt me or knocked me down, I always got back up and went forward loving life. I always look for the best in people …I don’t see red flags in every little thing people say or do… because I know that I too am not perfect…I’ve never expected reciprocation for any generosity other than true and loyal love and friendship”-

If all this is true, then your childhood home was the most functional home possible. For a child to grow up into adulthood optimistic, loving life, getting back up, etc. means there was no dysfunction.

“I’ve always been had a loving an affectionate relationship with my children”- you wrote above that you are not perfect. This means you could not have possibly been always loving and affectionate with your children.

“when they witnessed me feeling overcome with emotion at the situation, I was shushed at a moment when I could most use a hug, but they turned away in embarrassment… Any attempt to politely share my feelings without trying to put someone on the offensive is brushed off as ‘you’re imaging it,’ or ‘you’re being over-sensitive.'” –

It is possible that your self image, that is how you view yourself, is not accurate. It is possible that when you are overcome with emotion, not just that one time with one of your adult children, but often, before, that you express your emotions in overly demonstrative ways, such as in crying on and on, or using more words, dramatic, extreme, than what is needed for true expression, and that is what caused your adult child to turn away from you.

Your thoughts?

anita