Dear Monica:

The italicized words that follow are words you chose to use during what I refer to as your temper tantrum of last: “I heard news about Gyunnie… it kills me … so much. I fall apart…He is … happy….While I am here. I am stuck. I lied to you, to him, even to myself. I don’t want him to be happy or ok. I want him to suffer, even as little as 1/10 of what I am feeling. I wish him to feel THIS pain that I am feeling. I am begging, pleading, wishing that he is not okay…Why am I the only one suffering? Feeling an unberable amount of pain, alone? Fighting a lonely battle with myself… I am NOT well. Very far from it…So I won’t be in so much pain”- 

These words you used, “it kills me… I fall apart… as little as 1/10 or what I am feeling… THIS pain… the only one suffering… unbearable amount of pain, alone…I am NOT well. Very far from it… so much pain”-

These are dishonest expressions of your feelings, significantly exaggerated, for the purpose of drawing attention to yourself, empathetic attention. They are manipulative expressions.

One of the messages in your expressions is that you are alone, and lonely. As if I was not here for you, this whole time. Your message is that all my input did nothing to alleviate this enormous, unbearable  pain you are suffering.

After such an anger tantrum, such exaggerated expression of your suffering, you feel better, relieved. Problem is… the audience pays the price for your relief.

In your recent post starting with “Anita, Sorry to make you feel like I was for “seeking” attention from your part…” you apologize but not really.

You wrote: “If I do this just to get attention … I would not be here. I would just seek attention somewhere else, in real life.”-  this is real life, Monica. I am here, a person, as real as you.

You wrote: “I just feel like I connect with you pretty well, that is why sometimes when I post I do not think it through, I thought that this website is not some sort of a place where you have to think everything throughly before you post”-

I don’t speak for the website. I am not the owner. I speak for myself only. I am done communicating with you. You are welcome, as a fellow member on this website, to post anytime you’d like, on this thread or on any other thread. I will not be one commenting on your threads,  that is all.

I am not here to be that place for you to relieve yourself from your distress aka your audience.

The advice you wrote that you have been seeking- I have given you a lot of that, a lot of my thinking. All you have to do is re-read our long communications. Be well.

anita