Dear Jolene:

Yes, I am saying that this is who that person is, dishonest and rude.

“Why then … was (he) so kind at first… so nice to others?”- a dishonest person is not dishonest all the time. A rude person is not rude all the time.

This other woman, he was nice to her too, like he was with you, at times. But if she stays in contact with him for long, day in and day out, she will experience his rudeness as well. If he interacts with a neighbor, let’s say, just a few moments a day, smiling, the neighbor may think: what a nice fellow! But if the neighbors become close with him, he will find out soon enough…

Depending on what motivates him, he may be honest and kind or not. For example, he may not avoid an employer by not showing up to work because he needs the money. On the other hand, he avoided you because he didn’t need anything from you.

When you evaluate a person, look at his behavior not only here and there but everywhere you can see. Sure, perfection is not possible, no such thing as perfectly and always kind and honest. Look for significant deviations from kind and honest.

Those significant deviations, as you shared about this man are not reactions to who you are. This is who he is.

anita