Post # 1, Dear Reader:

July 3, 2017, the OP wrote: “Hello guys. I just very recently had a break up, and even though we broke on good terms – I found myself to find the break up very hard to accept. Me and my ex are still very much good friends, we don’t contact each other but we know that we will always love and support each other. To give you a general background, he broke up with me due to the fact that he will move to another college and will also have to serve a mandatory military service for 2 years”.

On August 10, she wrote about that relationship: “it was a very mature and understanding relationship, even now we still have a very good relationship even though we are no longer in contact with each other…We broke up due to the circumstances that did not allowed the relationship to go any further”.

My understanding: the relationship was not “very mature and understanding”, not “a very good relationship”. Following the breakup they were not friends at all and definitely not “very much good friends”. Actually, there has been no contact between the two, and so there couldn’t have been “still ..a very good relationship”.

He broke up with her… cautiously, very cautiously so to save himself from her raging explosions (I refer to those as Rage). He did not only break up with her, he moved to another university, as physically far away from her as he could, so to save himself, to escape the danger that her Rage presented to him.

Once the break up took place, he has never contacted her. She contacted him twice online and he kept those two exchanges as short and as cautiously polite as can be.

October 9, she wrote: ” I hate the people not the school in general, and these strong periods of stress comes often (every 2-3 weeks) but NOT everyday” (her choice of using bold letters)

Every two or three weeks, she experiences and expresses a very “strong period of stress”, which is Rage. The most recent one recorded on this thread was on Oct 28: “He (her ex boyfriend) is … happy… I don’t want him to be happy or ok. I want him to suffer, even as little as 1/10 of what I am feeling. I wish him to feel THIS pain that I am feeling. I am begging, pleading, wishing that he is not okay …Why am I the only one suffering? Feeling an unberable amount of pain, alone?…Why?”

September 3, a bit of Rage: “I want to give my life to someone who actually has the passion to live.
I do not deserve to live… I pray to God sincerely for Him to gave my life away to someone maybe a mother or a father or a husband or a wife who is dying and still wants to live because they have so many people that loves them…”

Sept 25, another bit of a Rage:  “WHY? Why can’t I start new just like you (her ex boyfriend) as well? …Why can’t I have someone that will love me…WHY? Do I have to disappear and end it all for real so people will UNDERSTAND… I sound like a big bad monster”.

She shared on that day: “I have this really pure anger that makes me hate everyone. I wish that every single person that I dislike can disappear or go to hell. I wish they would suffer 100x times more than I have ever did in my 19 years of life. I will let them suffer if I can be happy again…”

Aug 16 she wrote: “If I were mean or vicious, I can email his (ex boyfriend) faculty right now or share it with my friends about how the Chairman of Student Council in Business School is depressed, and he is actually moving university soon abandoning his responsibility”- this, in context of all her sharing, indicates to me that she has often entertained thoughts and images of how she could possibly inflict pain on him.

anita