Post #3, Dear Reader:

Bits and pieces of things:

September 16, she wrote about her past relationship when it was active: “I wanted to watch a concert with him but he got a really huge assignment in English class, so we cancelled. Ok. I did not say anything big or throw a tantrum about it”-notice, she wrote that she didn’t throw a tantrum, not that time. On the other hand, when she found out that he was planning on attending a concert after their breakup, October 28, she did throw a tantrum right here on her thread: “He is coming to Seoul to watch a concert of his favorite rapper –…it kills me … so much. I fall apart, seeing his post about how excited he is that he even posted his concert ticket. He is … happy… I want him to suffer…”

August 13, she wrote: “These days, due to my depression, I have became pretty difficult to handle. Even my ex partner cannot really controlled my behaviour and feelings anymore”- indicating that indeed her behavior was uncontrollable in the context of that relationship and he could not control it.

“Things weren’t really good before we broke up” (Aug 13)

Sept 15, regarding her past relationship, when it was active: “I got mad…I also demanded him to celebrate our 1 month anniversary…I was being really clingy and refused to go home…I wanted to be only priority and the most important thing in his life.”

My summary: I could write more, there are many interesting things to examine and study in this OP’s threads. But I am tired. I want to place this OP in my past, to put her away in my distant memory. What I want to take out of this and share is the following:

1. When a person goes on and on about how much she/ he suffers, especially when using dramatic (stirring/ sensational/ startling expressions), ask yourself: is the person experiencing mostly hurt or anger? Is the person honestly expressing her pain or is she trying to take unfair advantage/abuse my empathy?

2. A person that Rages, like this OP does, is a dangerous person, one who does and will inflict pain and suffering on others. A child, exposed to Rage every two or three weeks will be significantly damaged, no doubt. It is very sad, for me, that this OP, twenty years old, is planning to get married and have children as soon as possible.

Men (and women)- be careful about a potential spouse and mother/parent of your children. Do not ignore or minimize Rage. This OP was very nice and polite to her ex boyfriend in between the Rage, in between her explosions of intense anger. Watch for patterns, for distress rising to the explosion point, relieved and then builds again until the next explosion.

3. If the OP is reading this, or someone who Rages every so often, as this OP is in the habit of doing, please do get help.

Following her last Rage, the OP wrote, Oct 28: “I asked for her (her mother’s) permission to go see a psychiatrist when I go back home next week”- I hope she does.

Unfortunately, in a post after the psychiatrist comment, she wrote: “The first post was I did not feel like it was a temper tantrum, as it was based on facts, that he did indeed purchased the concert ticket”- indicating an… unbelievable denial of the fact that the problem is not that he purchased a ticket to a music concert but that she reacted to it the way she did.

4. To close: she either feels inferior to others or superior. She feels disdain, contempt,  to most people, looking down at them as her inferiors. Her Rage flows from that superior disdain. It is her Rage saying something like: “how unfair it is that I, superior to all, that I suffer? Why, others should suffer, not me! They are the inferiors, they are the nobodies (her word), they should suffer!

I must make them suffer!”

That Rage, it is powerful. And it harms and damages and creates lots and lots of pain. Beware.

anita