Dear Jo:

It reads to me that you did the right choice, the healthy choice. Thing is, if it is healthy for you, it is also healthy for him. It works that way.

The fact that he told you that his ex wives told him worse lies than the one he told you indicate to me that indeed he is far from being prepared to have a heathy relationship. He doesn’t understand that when he lied to you, betraying your trust in him, you were hurt. You didn’t and couldn’t have reacted to his lie thinking something like this: .. before I get hurt, let me think if people tell lies worse than his and figure out if I should get hurt, and if I should feel hurt, then let me adjust the extent of my hurt to the degree of his lie compared to a hundred lies told by …

No, we get hurt when betrayed.

As to helping him in his pain- I don’t think there is anything you can do. If he was experiencing hunger pain you could offer him food. But emotional pain of his kind, unfortunately, there is nothing you can do. Only endure your pain of not being able to help.

anita