Dear B:

Sometimes there is nothing you can do. In my experience, it is often the case. I am sure you were imperfect but all humans are. But you were not responsible for her illness and for her past experience before she met you. Her past experience before she met you, more than anything else is responsible for the ending of the relationship.

When you figure what you are responsible for and what you are not responsible, it is a different kind of pain from the pain when you take over responsibility. The latter has guilt that is a brand of pain most unpleasant, acutely distressing. The pain without the guilt is way more tolerable, as it has a shorter time limit.

anita