Dear Anita,

I did write all those things, and they’re probably true to some degree. Yes she hung up a few times, but she would call right back. Yes, she did not admit fault in small trivial things, but she did when things really mattered. I wrote all that crap to dump my bad decision onto her. I’m about to reveal something that I did not do before. I’m ashamed of admitting it after so many posts, but the real reasons I pushed her away were –

1. I have been going through a traumatic transition in my life since over a year, and it is still not resolved. So, I spent all last year trying to figure out how to get out of it, and barely gave any thought to our relationship.

2. I wasn’t ready to settle down just yet. But as soon as she moved on, I realized what an incredibly bad decision on my part.

3. I wanted to be self made man before I brought on someone else in my life. I figured once I have everything else, I can bring on a person and be happy about it. But, all along these years, I failed to see that I had one amazing constant (her) in my life that stood beside me even during the difficult time in this past year. She held my hand through all this and wanted to be with me despite the fact that I was pretty much jobless and depressed for a year.

I’m sorry to bring these up now, but I couldn’t hold it in. She was in fact a great woman who could have been mine. The feeling that I’m getting right now is precisely this: “I gift-wrapped my soulmate and gave it to a stranger.” I feel like I committed the worst sin, I’m evil, loser, dumb and worthless person. I feel like a failure.