Dear Anita,

You’re correct in that one of his brothers take a submissive role.  This bro has been in a relationship with his gf for at least a decade and they’re still not married.  Those that know them don’t understand why they’re together. The bro and gf are from different countries. He didn’t marry her so she couldn’t stay in his country and go to school or work there. They both settled in another country instead. SHE purchased a house and got her MBA there (he also has a MBA).  After living in this country for a while they returned to his country. He still didn’t marry her so she tried to get a Visa through family lineage. She’s working in another country because she couldn’t find a job in his country due to language barrier.  They visit each other on a monthly basis.   I don’t know why this woman would endure this. At first I thought her motivation was a Visa/citizenship but she was able to get a Visa through her family.

I appreciate you for helping me think through this.  I haven’t responded yet. The more I think about the more I disengage. I’ll respond but not sure how much I’ll share of my own feelings because my goal is not to get back together, it doesn’t matter.  It’s not my place to help him figure this out, especially when I’ve not been included in his life. I’ll work on understanding my issues and try to heal and hopefully recognize the signs of unavailable men by not getting too involved too fast. This usually is the problem when we get emotionally involved then it’s too late to think objectively – to get out or hope that they would change.  We all been where we hope they’d change and it doesn’t happen.