Dear Franky:

My comment is regarding the first five paragraphs of your post: you stated that both your father and your mother are “loving and supportive”.

When your father goes on and on about topics that distress you, and you told him that it does, that is not loving and supporting. When you figured that he doesn’t stop to consider the consequences  of his actions on you, that means  he  is not supportive.

A loving and supportive person pays attention: if the consequences of his actions cause distress on the supposed “loved  ones”- he stops those actions.

When your mother uses you as a confidante even though it distresses you (it is not a healthy role for a child to be a parent’s confidante)- not loving or supportive. When s he snaps at you or is otherwise aggressive, repeatedly, then she is… not loving and supportive.

Both are probably loving and supportive at times, in certain contexts. Most parents are by feeding their children. But if a parent is repeatedly unloving in some ways, as the ways you described, that causes distress that is not resolved by the few things that are loving and supportive. Somehow, a parent needs to  be consistently loving and supportive. Not perfectly, of course, but consistently, paying attention and correcting their behavior when needed.

anita