Thank you Anita and Defined Sight. As you can imagine this is first time in my life I am starting to look after myself mentally closely.

Anita you wrote “can you elaborate on how you tell yourself that you caused  the  cancer you had (at what age?)”

I have to say few things here which are bit personal. However, here it goes. I suffered from testicular cancer when I was 25. I didn’t have any social or family support when this happened as I was away from them for my studies. When this happened I was obviously under lot of stress, trauma, grief, guilt etc. Somehow and somewhere my mind believes that this was caused by me due to my masturbation habits. I can message you personally more. I would appreciate your help really. Now already having low self esteem, low self confidence, expecting too much from myself etc. didn’t help in such situation. I started believing that I am guilty and needs to be punished. This caused me anxiety and depression issues which I am still going through. It was very difficult for me to let it go as I kept thinking about it day and night.

• This reply was modified 7 years ago by howtoloveme.