Dear crystalmoon:

What an interesting share. This is my input, my thoughts and feelings about your share:y

Your last line is: “maybe it’s sugar?”- I believe that too much sugar is harmful, distressing the body, and reducing excess will help, but it will not resolve your anxiety because the anxiety did not originate in your sugar consumption.

Way more likely than sugar, your anxiety has to do with the fear underneath those “lots of emotions of anger (toward my mother)”. Underneath the anger there is fear. Animals are afraid first, then they run away or fight. Anger that follows fear motivates the animal to fight, to defend itself or its territory, to promote its survival.

That two week experience of well being is interesting. I remember perhaps a similar experience, when I consumed a certain narcotic drug long ago. It was indeed indescribable. I called my mother in that state and said: “I love you” and meant it, was in complete peace about it, no anger.

I couldn’t believe it, didn’t know it was possible to feel so good, to feel completely without distress. No fear, no shame, no guilt, no anger. Pleasure filled me and stayed for hours, the whole day and into the night. I didn’t want to go to sleep so to not miss on that experience. When the feeling finally dissipated, a few days later, I took another dose of that narcotic.. and then again. After a few times, the drug stopped producing that euphoric experience and replaced it with vomiting. A … distasteful ending of that lovely experience.

Back was the anger, and the cringing as I said to my mother, out of an obligation, out of guilt: “I love you”. Back was the distress. Years later I started my healing process and stayed with it  now almost seven years. The peace of mind is slow to come, is not euphoric, not complete, not like that experience.

The fact is that your experience as you described it has to do with chemicals released in the brain, that is how we feel anything at all. What brought about that chemical temporary change of two weeks, I don’t know, could be a rapid loss of weight, the body’s starvation mode (sensing it is about to die for a lack of a particular necessary nutrient, the brain releases some euphoria producing chemicals). And in that euphoria, things you read about, concepts and ideas came to life in a new, invigorating, refreshed and refreshing way.

anita