@anita Thank you very much for your interesting input and opinions, I appreciate it.

Its interesting to view it from a brain perspective and phsicological perspective, what is happening with bodies.

I remember more clear right now that there were a few emotions trapped in me and i would not let them out, i felt really ashamed, and then later the release of control of others, i remember letting go of trying to change my mother and allowing her to be as she is with her good sides and flawed sides, also i had a realization that majority of us want to be accepted for who we are, we all want to be loved and treated with respect, we all want to be heard genuinely, and so I was able to open up  and give it out. Later I closed off and had a feeling of being a victim and not wanting to give love to others because they don’t deserve it. Ah it’s great talking about it, I see more clearly on what I need to work hehe.

About narcotic you had, some things like that block specific receptors so your true self can get through. You know I had such a funny experience, I was having my stomach checked out good while ago and was under anesthetic, when I woke up I was talking joyfully with everyone, when my brain started to get more conscious I started hearing myself more, and later fully present I was amazed how much of my talking I could not recall at all, and yet I was there, I was talking without being aware of it lol.

Thanks again for all of your support again!