Dear Nees:

It is easy for me to see that it was wrong of him to yell at you, whether it is in public or in private, for one. If that pushing to bed you mentioned was an aggressive pushing (not a gentle, playful one, not in anger), then it was wrong too.

On the other hand, it was wrong of you to have the TV volume so loud that it distressed him, and then to not turn it down, or to keep having the volume up. It was wrong of you to go into his room with cereal/ food when he already expressed that it distressed him. These behaviors on your part are “small issues” to you, but not to him. When you disrespect his feelings, ignoring his distress, mistreat him in these ways, it is wrong of you.

Saying these three words: “I am sorry” and then repeating the behaviors you apologized for cannot possibly work. Three words don’t neutralize in themselves hurtful behavior.

You wrote that you feel humiliated and manipulated. You feel these but from my reading of your sharing at this point, I don’t see his behavior as manipulative, and other than the yelling (and pushing perhaps, I am not sure about the circumstance of that), I don’t see his behavior as humiliating.

What do you think?

anita