Mark- thank you for your kind words. I would do anything not to feel the pain, i wish i didn’t care, i almost wished that i didn’t see as clearly as i do now- b/c it would almost make it easier. I’m afraid if I allow myself to feel the pain, go through it that it would take over and i’ll be unable to carry on my life and it will just freeze in time while the rest of the world moves on.

All i want is just a hug and a hand hold, but honestly I can’t ask for that every time i feel lonely or sad. I don’t want to be a burden, everyone has problems. From all my years of being selfish, I don’t want to be that anymore.  I spent so many years looking after myself that I neglected and took for granted the ones that meant everything to me.

Talking on here anonymously has greatly helped me expressed my sadness and having the support of so many ppl around the world and knowing that I’m not alone does give me a sense of hope.

Going through the topics on here, made me realize how much the rest of the world and I have in common.  Being an only child, I never got an inside look at how others thought processes work.  I can only hope someone else will be able to find some sense of comfort in my experience as well.