Hi guys,

I was trying to keep myself away from all potential sources through which I could contact him as I’d become very vulnerable with his birthday round the corner and thus, was offline for long.
This month has been torturous, it’s like my mind’s getting the logic but as time is passing and my relation seeming more distant, my emotional state deteriorating. He’s stopped calling and I can’t help but think may be he’s already moved on.
I’m trying to focus on myself and while inside I feel empty, I’ve been eating exercising working properly and life’s a little less disorganized.
I was also reading self-help books and I found one that wrote on narcissistic people. While all of you have been saying since so long, and while I kept telling myself to believe it, something compelled me to think that he wasn’t a narcissistic but reading that was a total eye-opener. He’s a cent per cent narcissist. the similarity in things mentioned there and his behavior towards me is disturbingly similar.
Anita, A4U, you guys are always so helpful, thanks so much for always taking out the time to reply to my banter. well very honestly and I have no reason to hide anything here as I’m already wanting help, I had the best childhood and still have the most supportive parents. My mother’s my life and loves me to death, so does my father. Even as a child I was really loved though I did have my share of usual arguments and scoldings but perfectly normal. my love and care needs were more than met by both my parents. However, if I have to trace this in any way to my childhood, I would say I’ve always been overly attached to my parents and even am today and have had constant fear of losing them. there’s no context or substantive reason to it for I’ve already introspected a lot as to why I’m so excessively close to them to the level of constantly worrying if they’re okay whenever I’m or they are away. Parents are parents and so they love me for it but maybe the tendency to get over-attached to the few people I’m actually attached to is not so healthy. Similarly after my parents, it was only him that really mattered to me and mattered a lot, may be that’s why I’m feeling what I’m feeling. I don’t know if it makes any sense but that’s the only childhood tendency I can trace.
Rachel, thanks for replying and the article. It is a little relief to see that I’m not alone in this and that other people also go through similar ‘taking-for-granted’ treatments and manage to come out of it. Thanks a lot for sharing your experience.

Guys, one last thing and I’m asking this at the cost of actually sounding shallow. I really loved him and placed his needs and wants always above mine. In the long-distance and difficult circumstances that we had, I did all that I possibly could.  I know my relation with him is over for good but I always end up thinking if he will ever in life, even for a fleeting second have that realization that I indeed loved him, that he was wrong in treating me the way he did and that losing me was his loss. Is it likely that he’ll ever feel it? I’m aware of how I shouldn’t think of what he’ll think and it’s about me, about loving myself and not him but I loved him for all these years and it hurts when I think that maybe he’ll never even regret treating me the way he did, never regret losing me, never realize his mistake and move on to some other woman as if I never mattered, thinking of me only as good riddance. Honestly guys, do people, do men of the kind that he is, realize any of it? Rachel, did your ex ever realize his mistakes?