Dear Luc:

I hope you rest and feel better soon.

Experiencing anxiety like you do, gives little space for feeling passion for a dream or the possibility of employment or any other plan to live a better life, doesn’t it.

You are living with your parents, I understand, with your mother at the least, and you are about 24. Right before you threw up, your concern was that you will do it wrong, that you will miss the bucket and create a mess. You “felt ashamed and helpless and scared because (you) kinda forgot how to do it (to vomit into a bucket)”- reads to me that you feel very uncomfortable to feel distress around your mother, that when you did, as a child, she did not comfort you, that she treated your distress as a burden to her and sent you the message that you shouldn’t feel distress, or that you shouldn’t express it or show it.

And, reads to me, same still exists, that you have to keep your distress from bothering her, burdening her. Am I correct in my understanding?

anita