ear Joyce:

Your original post ended with: “He treats me so  damn well so WHYYYY do I … keep thinking of my ex who treated me like rubbish..?”-

I think the reason may be because part of you believes that you call for such treatment, a rubbish treatment, using your word.

If someone criticizes you, his criticism gets your attention and you focus on it, respond to it, attend to that person criticizing you. Your interest is there because there is something to fix, that part of you that you that deserves the criticism. On the other hand when someone does not criticize you, even is kind to you, that doesn’t get your attention… and “something’s missing”.

My understanding is that what is missing is this dynamic:

* you believe there is something wrong with you (core belief)->

*a person/man agrees with you, basically, sending you the message: there is something wrong with you/you are doing something wrong! ->

* you focus on the criticizer, attend to him and try to fix the wrongness you perceive to his satisfaction.

anita