Dear Jacob:

You wrote about your current living: “It’s not me. I can’t be anyone else, or copying other person, doing what other people do”. Toward the end of your share you asked: “How to live life I resonate with and be happy, fulfilled? Or I am really hard case and complete weirdo?”-

From your post I do not view you as a weirdo, not a light case and not a hard case.

As to your first question, my answer is: plan how to make your life happen, the life you want. You need a life without a car, one in a forest environment, close to or in nature, having employment that is meaningful to you, a part time, waking up later in the day, not being very busy, and so on. You can make it happen, with planning.

I don’t think it is a healthy motivation to  please your family at your expense. After all it is your life that you are living, just as each one of them is living his/ her life. They shouldn’t live so to please you, should they? Neither should you live so to please them, to accommodate their values.

These values you mentioned, none of them reads harmful to me, illegal or immoral. Accommodate your own values, let them guide you.

anita