Dear Anita.

It is safe to say that im lost. And i know that the suffering is not really linked to this girl – not in 100% at least. Im sadly living with my parents, moving out this year, i ve been planning this for 2-3 years, but money never really allowed it. We are a small family, im the only child, we dont really have cousins, grandparents, etc.etc. They are both supportive and we are OK, but they are choking me. Its not that they dont want me to leave, they are really open about it, but you know. I got plans for the future, currently writing my thesis (about the quarterlife crisis, lol) and finishing this June to get my degree. I also want to get my bartender paper, and i have a childhood friend who is waiting for me to have a rent together in Budapest. I was a late bloomer, and when i was younger girls were not really interested in me, because i was way too shy. Now its really changed, i am self-confident, i can get really well with girls, its just i am too picky in long-term relationships, which i dont think is a problem.

I need to get out of this rough patch somehow, and i feel that im changing. All these erratic mood swings day by day, spending a lot of time alone – although i have a really healthy social life, some good friend, lot of people i know, im an extrovert guy – and maybe the problem is that im thinking too much. About my past, about my future, and spending less and less time in the moment.

Feels like i dont even know myself at all.