Dear Gabor:

When your mother doesn’t ask you about things, doesn’t have a conversation with you, that is not because she fails to understand that you grew up. When you were a child you needed her to ask you things, to notice you, to interact with you in a meaningful way. Not just now.

You wrote about your ex girlfriend: “Feels like she never even loved me at all, and all the things she said was for nothing”. We know we are loved when the person claiming to love us, or is … supposed to love us, is actually attending to us, wanting to know how we feel, how we experience life. So that we are not alone.

The mood swings you describe, I remember my mood swings, basically I went from a hellish experience of life to heavenly breaks from that experience. I think the brain, when tormented, has to take times out and during those breaks, there is a feeling of euphoria of sorts.

I don’t know if you experience your life as hellish, but it is definitely a time of suffering for you, as I understand it. I suppose you long for a woman’s love, and not having it from your mother, or from your ex girlfriend, well… you long for it. For  love and for freedom from living at home.

“what a crazy little guy i am”- is the title of your thread. I don’t read you as crazy.

anita