Dear Edd:

When you got injured, Chloe attended to her self interests by “spending increasing amount of time with her friends, joined a new climbing club and went on a holiday to the Alps with them a couple of times without (you)”.

After that the two of you broke up and she moved to the Alps.

Later, sometime during her three year stay in the Alps, she suggested to move back to the UK and resume the relationship with you: “Chloe was the one who suggested her moving back to the UK to be with me and to move in with me”.

Read at this point like she wanted to move back to the UK for the purpose of being with you and moving in with you. But even though the relationship with you did not resume (was it after she found out about Sarah?) she moved back to the UK anyway: “Chloe got in touch briefly a couple of weeks ago to let me know she was moving back to the UK anyway”

Am I correct in my understanding then that Chloe took care of herself, placing her self interest (as she should have) first in her mind and life, seeing what she needs and wants as her guide in life?

Are you willing to be okay with placing your needs and wants as your guide in life, a guide to the choices you make?

If so, focus on what you need and what you want as your guide first. Figure that out and then figure how to make your relationships with anyone and everyone a Win-Win proposition where both parties are reasonably satisfied.

* Regarding Sarah being loud, can you ask her to lower her voice in certain circumstances, let’s say, when she is on the phone with others, if these are the times she is being loud?

That would be reasonable to ask Sarah. On the other hand it is unreasonable to ask anyone to display a higher sex drive than they experience.

anita