Thank you for your kind words. I have read in a lot of places that you should believe in yourself and go for it. But what if I’m not a person who can succeed. I have been into spirituality on a surface level but I still don’t understand how I can believe in myself knowing how far behind I am from my peers, and accept my flaws. How do you do it? Know you are flawed and that these flaws are visible to anyone easily if they look. How do I overcome the shame of who I am and know I will make it. There people who never reach their goals but can say they tried. For me, failure means not just me going without an income, as you said I should be able to survive that. But it’s also my parents and a sibling that I support. I feel ashamed that being from a middle class family and having always known that my family needs me, time and again I fall behind. My mom says I have everything a person my age needs, but I feel no gratitude, all that I can lose in a second and the reason I’m so afraid is I know I’ll have no one to blame but myself. That I failed because I didn’t change even when I had to. The reality is I need to change now but I can’t bring myself to even begin. It always feels like the damage is done and I can’t improve. Honestly, where do I begin? It’s inherently a problem with who I am. That I can’t just be bold and code away. I simply procrastinate, I don’t know why –  the fear of failure and losing my job?. I am sorry for this rant, I’ve had no one to talk to and that you responded despite not knowing is bringing all this out.

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