Dear ZC:

Part of your fascination with this man in your life has to do with the special time you met him, being 24, feeling free after some time of… entrapment, perhaps, in a marriage. It was your favorite bar where you met him, you did a lot of fun things. You didn’t have a child then, you were single and free, life held possibilities.

It reminds me of the first time I visited Disneyland in California. It was magical. The second, third etc. visits there were not magical. The first time had magic in it because it was the first time and because of the special circumstances around that first visit. I felt free and life seemed full of possibilities.

It may very well be that if you were back in a relationship with him (in some parallel universe, that is, one where you are not a mother and in a relationship with another man), it would not be the same as it was. Most likely it will not. The magic, the attachment to him, lots of that probably has to do with the mindset and circumstances that existed then, but have chanced since.

anita