I can’t thank you all enough for your kind words and insights.  I have had psychologists tell me that there is a physiological connection immediately after birth that is necessary for healthy emotional development.  This article seems to bear it out:   https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4235060/    No matter how loving your adoptive parents are, adopted kids seem to have abandonment issues.  To make matters worse, I have an obsessive mind.  Obsessives have problems letting things go until they find a clear understanding or answer.  I need to find a way to get past this since I’m never going to find a complete or correct answer.

Ellimac4u welcome to the site and thank you for your words.  I do have a bad habit of being much to hard on myself for things I can’t control.  I’ll try to remember your words.