I’m sorry Ella, I can understand what it is like to want your mom to love you and be warm and affectionate, but receive only anger and criticism. It seems you are currently in a cycle of her getting angry, and you trying to calm the situation. Since she doesn’t seem to have a problem with the cycle, you will have to be the one to break it. In order to break the cycle, I would suggest focusing on relationships other than the one with your mom. Maybe stay back and find activities near your school on weekends you are low instead of going back home. Focus on your mental/emotional health. If she is angry, let her be angry, distance yourself emotionally and physically if need be instead of trying to fix the situation. Let her know that her words cause you distress, but when you are both calm and in a way that doesn’t cause her to feel threatened. At the same time, when she is generous (or when you feel affectionate towards her) express that affection with the realization that she may not give affection in return.

Invest your energy and emotion in yourself and in other healthier relationships.  I am sorry, but sometimes are most fulfilling relationships are not with our closest family as much as we might wish they be.

Take care,

m