Hi again… It’s been a good 10 days for me although not completely productive and smooth coding… I’m still happy in making progress with my coding. I’ve been taking it day by day – as VJ said –Focus more on the process itself – and reaching out to colleagues for help and I feel like I can definitely improve. But what I’ve noticed is that my boss has decided I am not a good coder. I saw it today in how he tries to imply that certain tasks may be difficult for me as “I am someone who goes up and down the hill”(his quote). I am not sure what to do… I know he will need live code in production for proof and not a speech and I hope I’m getting there but in the mean time his entire interaction with me is actually heartbreaking, also I’m afraid I may not be able to get out of the label he has for me. This makes my fear creep back. I feel dejected that there may be people in my team thinking I’m worthless… what anita said – We only imagine we know what other people are thinking, imagining they are thinking what we are thinking. We only imagine other people are focused on us, on how flawed we are. In reality, most people, if not all, are focused on themselves most of the time. – thank you for that – it gives me strength – but my main problem is about how I should deal with this impression of myself with others… my boss especially – as it may affect my career. I hope no one thinks I’m  abusing tinybuddha for career advise. All this is more emotional for me, I feel like my soul has been sucked out each time something like this happens.I find it very hard to be calm and unaffected by other people. Not just what they think but how they act, and I think people here can help me deal with that.

gj