Dear tonorli:

You wrote that you wish you “had the strength to just go with the flow and see what happens”- but this is impossible to do when you have the experience of having been “led on for the wrong reasons, and they’ve dropped (you) as soon as the novelty has worn off”.

The brain remembers such experiences because they hurt, and automatically it is now fearful of it happening again. With such a fear, one cannot “go with the flow”.

The fact that he didn’t tell you at the beginning of the relationship that he had a long travel planned soon enough and that he told you that you are probably right (that you are not on the same page) lead me to think that this is not a promising relationship. Contacting you did read to me (before I read your understanding of it) that he was lonely that week.

With the fear of being hurt again, better let go if you can and when meeting another man, in the future, or meeting this man at some time in the farther future, find out at the beginning stages (possibly at the very beginning) what is a man’s motivation and see if there is a match.

anita