Thanks to everyone for your kind replies. I was very surprised when I logged back in and saw that several people had taken the time to respond. This was the first time I have put something so personal on a public forum and it is quite heartening to feel that other people are willing to read and respond.

I guess the main message I have gotten is that I need to be less harsh with myself. I am slowly becoming aware that that harsh critical voice actually makes it very difficult to hear my real inner voice and that is actually one of the reasons for the difficulties in my relationship. So it didn’t help me before and it is definitely not helping now when I am feeling so vulnerable. I know I need to replace that harsh voice with self-love rather than self-criticism or hatred. I feel like that is a big journey for me and it’s one that I am really only now embarking upon.

I am also becoming aware of the power of the heart. This is the part of ourself that allows us to open up to another, be vulnerable and also to surrender our ego (not completely) so that we can form a true partnership. Somehow these ‘softer’ values of the heart have been hidden from me until now. I was so controlled by my mind that I wasn’t even aware that I could take direction from a deeper part of myself. It has taken this major shock to make me open up to this part of myself and it is changing the way I understand many things. I know it is a cliché but ultimately I guess I have found that it is difficult, if not impossible, to love another truly when you don’t know really understand what love is and you don’t have enough for yourself.