Thank you Peter. The story is beautiful. I know my need to control my future is a big issue. I think I thought of it as a security blanket for my relationship. Marriage for us not only fills my insecurities but also makes sure that we are together (visa and stuff). But I get that in wanting nothing, you get it all! Trick is how does an unenlighten…mere beings ever stop wanting?

anita,

i will look forward to your comments in 16 hours.  My boyfriend is kind of a “living for the now” guy. I love that about him. His profound loss when he was young, taught him to smell the roses now. I guess it’s one of the reasons why he doesn’t love me because I am a planner. I plan the hell out of life. He also says (his words) I run 100 mph and he is a 70 mph kind of guy. Not many in the world can run that speed. My readiness and planning has always rewarded me in my life with my family and my career. I know that you can’t plan love but I do want a marriage and life with someone I love. I have craved to be a family with someone all my life. I want to be important to someone other than myself. I want someone to ask me about my day and really want to know.

a part of me wants to run to him and say screw it …we won’t get married. We will live in Ireland rest of our lives …but I don’t think it will change anything.

?