Thank you Peter

Anita,

Thank you for jogging my memory. i was doing the same exercise at 3 am today as I couldn’t sleep. I was reading my diary back to myeself. I am utterly devastated by this “semi-break-up”. he is coming back to our apartment tomorrow night to “talk”. I know what that means. Even reading all my thoughts from 5 years ago, i am failing to tap into what I want from this situation. I thought that i know myself pretty well but I can’t seem to think about anything but him and what he is going to do. I think i understand what you are saying above about my relationship with my mother. Am i to apply the same logic to my boyfriend? Up till Sunday, apart from breathing, the only thing i knew was that he loves me. Did I just create that in my mind?

I will know more tomorrow. I can only hope I get through today and tomorrow without contacting him. I have been desperately trying to talk to him with very limited response from him. God I am back to being the 17, 20, 22, 27, 31 year old girl. i don’t know when I will learn.

Sorry for the moan filled post.