Dear Hailie:

What is clear to me is that this man was mistreated when he was a child, given the message that he was a bad boy, the worst, all those things he has been accusing himself of being. He was told those things.

What is unclear to me is whether you were honest with him about your anger toward him or not. For example, when you told him that you will leave him alone so that he can spend time with his friend, whether you were okay with leaving him alone, or it was said angrily. I don’t know if you said it before, and knew from past experience that it will upset him to hear it, and yet you said it, being passive aggressive that way.

He carries things from childhood, no doubt, and is inclined to see offense where there is none. Problem is, there are people (in addition to his parent/s) who are offensive, who are aggressive, passive aggressive if not directly aggressive. So sometimes he is correct about his present evaluation of people’s intent. Sometimes people do try to hurt others.

Question is: when you are upset or frustrated, do you resort to saying things to hurt him, indirectly if not directly. I don’t know.

anita