Dear Phyleen:

I think that going back to your ex boyfriend is a bad idea regardless of there being a new flame in your life. The reason for my belief that it is a bad idea is the anger dynamic between the two of you. You have been arguing and fighting and making up repeatedly and for too long. Unless the two of you attended quality couple psychotherapy where the two of you successfully learned how to not automatically react to your anger, but instead, to effectively communicate while feeling angry, there is no hope that I can see for this relationship.

If you pursued the relationship with your new flame, the issue of your anger will still need to be addressed. I don’t know about this new man, how he deals with his anger, with resolving conflicts?

anita