Dear not-so-lost-star:

Good to read from you! Great progress, saying no to people. There is no progress that is small, all progress is progress that leads to more. And so, “to say no to people in small ways” is not small at all.

The people you meet, the people “who are different from (your) father.. really kind and generous people”- hasn’t your father been kind and generous, and not aggressive to strangers as well?

It is within the home that parents feel most comfortable to be aggressive, safe from retaliation. Safe from being challenged, safe from negative consequence, for what is a child going to do to them? (Or a submissive wife… who knows her place?)

A child will follow an aggressive parent more so than a non aggressive parent, so it works for a parent who wants submission, to be aggressive.

In most circumstances we are indeed safer with strangers than we were with our parents.

In homes where neither parent is aggressive, oh, how fortunate it is for the child in that home. An out of the norm situation, as far as I know reality to be.

I hope you find your home.. away from home.

anita