Dear Julianna:

I used to have  these kinds of thoughts,and  a lot of them. What I  learned  is that there is so much dysfunction in relationships, so much aggression, from silent treatments to  put downs  of all kinds,betrayal  of trust, so much harm in the context of a supposedly loving relationship, that what I was  able to finally offer in the context of a relationship was so rare, that I had nothing to envy about other relationships.

That rare something is safety. No aggression. Amazingly, how rare  it  is. If you are assertive in your relationship  but not aggressive, not argumentative, not fighting, not punishing… that may very well be a first in your boyfriend’s experience.

anita