double post..

I thought I knew what I wanted. That how I got here.

I had convinced myself of what I needed and further more what I was okay with in regards to “A” relationship.

I thought I was down for whatever.

Everything was going to work out and if it didnt I would get over it.

All the preconceived notions I made about what I want like from my ex for example; are the baby versions of what Glen did to me except I was also in a home with him so it was 1000X different and more escalated. You know the , talk to me, pay more attention to me, text me back faster, text me when you wake up, tell me you love me more, your mood was weird today, doesnt seem like you want me around, I dont see any problems with cohabitation, Im not defensive, I’m not nagging, I’m not asking for too much….

I thought living together, personal space outside the relationship, communication and responses…i thought I had it all figured out…which is why my partners didnt fulfill me. Because they SHOULDNT I needed to fulfill me and then whatever they came with would be a addition I decide to accept or decline…It shouldnt have been like that

I thought I had it all figured out. almost as if I wanted someone obsessed with me….

But I now see that what I thought I wanted comes at a price sometimes depending on who you deal with.

I have learned a lot. I am definitely a better person for this…even though I am the worst version of myself to DATE!…However what I understand about myself now…what I know about myself and self worth now…I would probably not gotten here without this experience. I most likely would have continued to put pressures on my relationships after and who knows what mess I would have ended up in while realizing yearsss later that this actually isnt what I wanted.

At the end of the day I thought I wanted something that I completely was not ready for or stable enough for….