Dear Chris Joss:

It reads clearly to me that this bothers you very much and it is indeed a deal breaker for you. I read your “trust issues” (your words) through your posts:

“The catalyst for the divorce, the reason, she says was her mother”- she says, but what she says may not be true, is the suggestion.

“I found out last Fall that she attends his games with the ex. Sometimes they would even drive together”- found out … a betrayal of sorts. Or something she kept as a secret. But maybe she didn’t think much of it, that it would be a problem for you? And then, “they even drive together” – suggesting there is something intimate in that, almost cheating, when it may be only that, sharing a car.

“I asked her if she still had feelings for her ex. She emphatically stated no… I wanted to be sure before investing my emotions…she’s sitting with her ex and his mother at these games… she clearly still has an emotional connection”- what you are suggesting is that she lied to you, and lied empathetically when she stated she didn’t have feelings for her ex. And as a result of her lie you invested your emotions in a relationship. If she told you the truth, you wouldn’t have.

And I agree: she seems to have a feeling of comfort driving to and sitting at the events with her ex husband, his mother, and other parents. Yes, seems to me that she feels comfort in that. But when you asked her at the beginning if she had feelings for her ex, she probably thought you meant physical attraction feelings, or a longing to be intimate with him again. She may have no such feelings.

My suggestion to you: having a girlfriend who does not have children of any age, who has no contact whatsoever with an ex boyfriend or an ex husband, etc. is probably a better choice for you. You can make sure, before investing your emotions in a relationship, that the woman is these things (no children, no contact.. no male friends, if that is what it takes, and so forth, you decide).

Regarding this particular woman, I see difficulties even if you join her at those events, I see you looking for hidden betrayals and secrecies. I see you focusing on any evidence, however not evidentiary, in reality, for lies, secrecies and betrayals.

anita